In this inspirational, hyper-informational encyclopodcast, husband-and-wife team Ryan and Joanna attempt to explain their respective nerd passions to each other. Will they turn each other into Lord of the Rings and Star Wars aficionados or get swallowed alive by two of the most complex fictional universes of all time? There's only one way to find out!

Drop us a line at whatslightsabersprecious@gmail.com -- we thanks you in advance, precious!

Episodes

Episode 27 - Tom Bombadil/Jar Jar Binks

What the hell is Tom Bombadil? Why the hell is Jar Jar Binks? The answers to these questions, plus too many songs, history's greatest monster, and Joanna finally saying the singular of "Maiar" correctly.

George R. Binks - thebristolboard.tumblr.com/post/135475…nks-by-tony

Episode 26 - Wizards of Arda/Witches of Dathomir

Did a bunch of witches teach rancors to read and write? Just how many names did Gandalf have , anyway? The answers to these questions, plus lesser gods, man slaves in leather aprons, and five hot grandpas with attitude.

Episode 25 - Hobitit 6-9/Battle for Endor

What happens when an unstoppable giant spider attack meets an immovable lack of budget? How about when a sequel completely negates the premise of the original within its first ten minutes? The answers to these questions, plus froggy throats, diabeetus, and wizards drinking colloidal silver.

Ewok GIF - media1.tenor.com/images/469126777…e54636/tenor.gif

Episode 24 - Hobitit 1-5/Caravan of Courage

What do you get when you mix insane wigs, ultra-low budget graphics, and ample amounts of man ass? How about when you mix teddy bears, minotaurs, and the world's crappiest teen? The answers to these questions, plus bangin' pub songs, large adults sons, and poorly-crafted Ewok ropes.

Episode 23 - LIVE at DENNY'S! Prominent Hobbits/Young Han Solo

Did Bush kill Frodo's mom? Did Han Solo cause a man to permanently need to wear a diaper on his head? The answers to these questions, plus jalapeno poppers, pop rocks on pancakes, and more fun at Denny's!

Episode 22 - Concerning Hobbits Part 2/Spice

How did war-time decapitation lead to the modern game of golf? How does huffing paint lead to god-like powers and no ill effects whatsoever? The answers to these questions, plus glitter stim, town holes, and daring to keep kids off drugs.

Episode 21 - Concerning Hobbits Part 1/More About Ewoks

Are Hobbits actually the most dangerous game? Are Ewoks actually a bunch of man-flesh-eating psychopaths? The answers to these questions, plus shamans, weed, and a lesson in basic Ewokese.

Star Wars narrated by Ron Howard - www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XERmXsP-U
Ewoks gallery - imgur.com/a/p7g4qpt

Episode 20 - Dwarves/Jawas

Who was the sleepiest Dwarf? Who was the stinkiest Jedi? The answers to these questions, plus stripping the clothes off dead Jawas, escaping from dragons only to get killed by more dragons, and J.R.R. Tolkien's possessed mummified finger.

Jawa actor kids -starwarsblog.starwars.com/wp-content/u…BTS_1636.jpg

Episode 19 - Rohirrim/Greedo

How is Greedo like Alexander Hamilton? What should you do if a Dunlending asks for your daughter's hand in marriage? The answers to these questions, plus refugee crises, horses on stage, and an identified Rodian without jacket.

Rhovanion map: dnd-wiki.org/w/images/1/16/4-6.jpg
Unidentified Rodian with Jacket: darth.wikia.com/wiki/Unidentified…odian_with_jacket

Episode 18 - Aragorn/Mos Eisley Madness Part 2

Which of Aragorn's many alternate names was the funniest? Which of Star Wars' many interspecies relationships was the weirdest? The answers to these questions, plus Tolkien Society goodies, blaring airhorns, and the winner of Mos Eisley Madness!

Mos Eisley Madness gallery - imgur.com/a/AonMH
Mos Eisley Madness bracket (episode spoilers!) docs.google.com/document/d/1aEoSB…/edit?usp=sharing

Episode 17 - Men Part 3/Mos Eisley Madness Part 1

Who's the biggest baller in Mos Eisley? Who's the heavyweight champion of the Siege of Barad-dur? The answers to these questions, plus botched surgical procedures, Winnie the Pooh crossovers, and the big man having the rock.

Map of Arda in the Second Age (including Numenor): vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/lotr/images…00220150708
Map of Gondor: 
7a6972656f5f74637568.killerhor.net/maps/go…lor.jpg
Map of Arnor following its division into three kingdoms: vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/lotr/images…90917154704

Mos Eisley Madness gallery: imgur.com/a/AonMH
Mos Eisley Madness bracket: docs.google.com/document/d/1aEoSB…/edit?usp=sharing

Episode 16 - Men Part 2/Prophets of the Dark Side

What's the grisliest way to execute a Grand Moff? What was Samwise Gamgee's real name? The answers to these questions, plus the secret of Ken's parentage, a Middle-Earth culture war, and an elevator that drops you into lava.

Episode 15 - Beren and Luthien/Wilhuff Tarkin

What can we learn from Beren and Luthien about Tolkien's wolf phase? What can we learn from Grand Moff Tarkin about dealing with in-laws? The answers to these questions, plus bad parenting, talking dog friends, and pink ladies' slippers. (Man-Elf romance! Now that's what I'm Tarkin about!)

Episode 14 - Children of Hurin Part 2/Queen of the Empire

What do you call a meeting of Grand Moffs? Who was the pettiest bish in Middle-Earth? The answers to these questions, plus tax audits, the seventh stage of grief, and the triumphal(?) return of Baji.

A very good illustration - i.imgur.com/IMaGbix.jpg

Episode 13 - Children of Hurin Part 1/The Forgotten Solo Kids

What happens to force-sensitive teens who don't play sports? Who had the toughest-sounding name in all of Middle Earth? The answers to these questions, plus naked forest running, Elven musical chairs, and Han Solo being the world's worst dad.

Episode 12 - Men Part 1/Mission From Mount Yoda

Why are men so scared of the dark? How long does it take for a baby to be born in a galaxy far, far away? The answers to these questions, plus beetle noises, magic tricks, and 70's novelty act The Weather Girls.

Episode 11 - Oops, All Dragons

What's a dragon smell like? What's the best way complete your tusken raider coming-of-age ceremony without getting eaten? The answers to these questions, plus dragon kids, the truth about moon dragons, and Butch.

Star Wars dragons: imgur.com/a/5MQbB

Gonkian Droid Choir - Songs in the Key of Gonk, Vol. 1

Presenting "Songs in the Key of Gonk, Vol. 1", as performed by the Gonkian Droid Choir.

Track list:
01. The Gonk
02. Amazing Gonk
03. Awesome Gonk
04. Barbie Gonk
05. Cantina Gonk
06. Gonkcerning Hobbits
07. Gonke Maria
08. Gonks Just Wanna Have Fun
09. Never Gonka Gonk You Up
10. Since U Been Gonk
11. The Gonk (Reprise)

Download tracks here: drive.google.com/drive/folders/1C…oH3k?usp=sharing

Episode 10 - Fall of Gondolin/GONK

Who's the biggest Incel in Middle-Earth? How do you get a droid cultist off your doorstep? The answers to these questions, plus Disney meta, robot hymns, and untrustworthy goth kids.

Episode 9 - New Zealand/Zorba the Hutt's Revenge

Joanna's back from New Zealand, so it's time for the low-down on Tolkien tourism. Meanwhile, Ryan delves into the aggravating third installment of the Jedi Prince series. All this, plus braze, violations of property rights, and desiccated corpses.

Zorba the Hutt's Revenge illustrations - imgur.com/a/RXfGR

WLPRPG - Jub-Jub's Quest, Part 3 Finale

This week on WLPRPG, we're finishing our Fantasy Flight Star Wars adventure with Ryan as game master and Joanna as Jub-Jub the force-sensitive ewok. In this thrilling finale, Jub-Jub finally comes face to face with Trioculus. Will she be able to stop him despite only having two eyes? Listen and find out...

More info about Fantasy Flight Games' Star Wars RPGs - www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/starwarsrpg/

WLPRPG - Jub-Jub's Quest, Part 2

This week on WLPRPG, we're continuing our Fantasy Flight Star Wars adventure with Ryan as game master and Joanna as Jub-Jub the force-sensitive ewok. In part 2 of 3, Jub-Jub tries to stunt her way out of Cloud City with the lightsaber of Darth Vader. But she runs into some trouble along the way...

More info about Fantasy Flight Games' Star Wars RPGs - www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/starwarsrpg/

WLPRPG - Jub-Jub's Quest, Part 1

While Joanna is in New Zealand, we've prepared a podcast within a podcast for you - WLPRPG, the show where we play roleplaying games based on the fictional worlds our podcast dissects! This week we're playing the Fantasy Flight Star Wars system with Ryan as game master and Joanna as Jub-Jub the force-sensitive ewok. In part 1 of 3, Jub-Jub runs afoul of Gorja the Hutt as she and her "padawan" Skiv Darson attempt to steal a mysterious white cylinder for Willrow Hood...

More info about Fantasy Flight Games' Star Wars RPGs - www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/starwarsrpg/

Episode 8 - Elves Part 3/Hutts

How do you keep your bros from entering your magical Hot Babe zone? What's the one thing a Sarlaac won't eat? The answers to these questions, plus greedy Dwarves, brood pouches, and J.R.R. Tolkien's favorite shape.

First Age Middle-Earth map - vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/lotr/images…leriand.jpg
Huttese Dictionary - www.completewermosguide.com/huttdictionary.html

Episode 7 - Elves Part 2/Lost City of the Jedi

Can you sue a god? Are there cats in a galaxy far, far away? The answers to these questions, plus hot gos, tubular transports, and the horrors of the Ho'Din.

Lost City of the Jedi illustrations - imgur.com/a/xOzSx

The Willrow Hood Rap

A tribute to the Ice Cream Maker Guy of Cloud City. Written by Matt, performed by Willrow Hood. Backing track sampled from Credits Where Credits Are Due by Jared Emerson-Johnson, featured on the Star Wars: The Old Republic soundtrack.

Episode 6 - Elves Part 1/Mr. Cloud City

How are Elves and Orcs related? Who is the most eligible bachelor on Cloud City? The answers to these questions, plus nice shirts, workplace harassment, and a rap about Willrow Hood.

Episode 5 - Winter Holiday Spectacular

Did Hobbits celebrate Christmas? What's in a Wookiee Cookie? The answers to these questions, plus heartwarming letters from Santa, drug-fueled Wookiee spirit journeys, and the Star Wars Christmas album.

Tolkien illustrations - www.atlasobscura.com/articles/tolki…oliday-letters
Wookiee Cookies recipe - www.starwarsholidayspecial.com/text/wook…okies.htm
Oral history of the Star Wars Holiday Special - mentalfloss.com/article/72863/dar…s-holiday-special

Episode 4 - Silmarils/The Glove of Darth Vader

What happens when a giant spider suffers a nasty breakup? How many eyes does Trioculus have? All this, plus interracial romance, whale operas, and an interstellar wormhole-hopping glove.

Episode 3 - Two Trees of Valinor/Endor

How is Morgoth like a Captain Planet villain? Who builds a nature preserve next to a black hole? All this, plus spider baby-daddies, Ewok blood rituals, and too much Joh Yowza in our first ever All-Tree Extravaganza!

9 Best Trees in Tolkien - www.tolkiensociety.org/blog/2014/08/…s-in-tolkien/
Dulok - vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/im…rom_SWE.png
Yuzzum (Joh Yowza) - vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/im…i_Rocks.png
Teek - vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/im…he_Teek.jpg
Gorph - vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/im…/Gorphs.png
Endor Holocaust - vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/im…locaust.jpg

Episode 2 - Valar/Force Powers

Which of Arda's gods is the most kissable? Should the Jedi be outlawed for manipulating time and space? All this, plus blue dinosaurs, Ewoks in Middle-Earth, and a very special guest!

Map of Valinor: www.glyphweb.com/arda/v/valinor.html
News Goblins: www.newsgoblins.com/
Vertiguys: vertiguys.blubrry.com/

Episode 1 - Arda/Wookiees

Did Sauron have a dad? How powerful were Chewbacca's thighs? Our hosts discuss these issues, with brief digressions into Flat (Middle) Earth Theory and the injustices of Mad Claw.

Arda map - i.imgur.com/1maPijp.png
Wookiee concept art - i.imgur.com/3O9aKn1.jpg